The older you get, the nicer you have to be to get a spanking.
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Dear Sodium Nipples, Potato cellar! I lived in a cellar for the first 14 years of my life. The only friends I ever had were potatoes – and I had to eat them one by one. I had my best friend for my 14 th. birthday. My first girlfriend was mouldy… That’s what happened! Dear Monochromatic Bat Dropping, Yes, of course! I am as real as outhouse gnomes, sock elves and turnip trolls. I also like cabbage, and I miss smoking a pipe. The 4-year-old inside me is screaming “Bugs Bunny and Easter chocolate!” Also: Shoes. Once you reach pervert nirvana, you can unscramble horrific pay-per view cable broadcasts, using only your mind. Not sure of #FF etiquette (It’s Saturday), but @blueyesbrunet was one of my first Twitter follows, because she has heart – and balls. Ok, back to regular programming… White socks are for guys that are virgins or don’t know any better. @curiouskayla – my special follow won’t help you get “stuff”… But my 4-year-old is much better than that. He makes things better. Upping @conanobrien’s “random” follow… @curiouskayla (Kayla Simmons), when you feel down – DM me – my son will draw you a magical picture. Sorry, I’m new to Twitter, but from what I understand – Saturday is dump the people who didn’t give a fuck day. Am I wrong? |
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